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Last assignment due in a class that I have enjoyed.

Yet I am that bad student who does not want to put much work in the assignment. I would prefer talking with the teacher one on one about things rather than writing a paper. But that is not the way of instruction in our society.

So I read the material and prepare to respond to questions with precise answers. Look, I know things. See, I did the reading. Over here, I got the point and let me show you what I can do with it.

But I hate to write and respond, to show what I know in the sterility of the page.

Maybe I hate to write because I don’t want my opinion to be challenged. I am an oracular font of poorly formed opinions and quasi-knowledge.

Pay no attention to the orthodoxy behind the curtains…

When folks challenge my opinion maybe I just collapse or become an ad hominem asshole.

Maybe I am just a pseudo-intellectual who just hobbles along trying to keep a roof over his head with whatever sophistry I have to commit to get the grade or the pay.

Maybe I spend my life talking with young people because they are easier to manipulate.

Maybe I don’t like to talk with folks my age because they will make me support my arguments.

But talking with young people can be about almost anything. And talking with older colleagues and friends often reduces to what we “do” or what our “main” area of study is–most of the people my age are academics.

With youth, I can talk about whatever interests them and find ways to connect that to daoism or anarchocynism or whatever. Ah well…

How do we learn? How do we teach? How do we spur others and get spurred by them?

Seems natural that humans would not be utterly slothful as this leads to being caught. Yet, in our sociocultural situation, we have become quite slow, sleep walking through everything. The security of our situation makes us less likely to seek the uncomfortable.

And I certainly don’t like to be discomforted any more than anyone else in our current world. Does such an admission make me any less of a phony?

The paths we construct rather than the organic flow make us the most miserable because we are out of sync with the Great Way.

blah blah blah

I am tired. Wow. I am worn out by struggles that seem to far from the source of Being. And I know I am the one to blame for going off course because I see it happen and pay no heed to the sign in my soul… “Hush.”

I am so tired. Now, I wander back to studying. I limp back to what I “should” do to be a good student or what the fuck ever.

I am so very tired. 

One thought on “Saturday not Studying

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